Discworld & Terry Pratchett Wiki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Thaum

2018-07-31T17:46:35Z

Gipsterdude5:

:Thanks for removing the "pipes". I didn't know they were case insensitive.

== Is the thaum also basic particle of magic? ==

If the thaum is just a unit of measure, how can it be "made up" of anything (like resons). That's like saying a meter is made up of smaller particles. Maybe the thaum is both a unit of measure AND the fundamental particle of magic (like an atom or proton would be in Roundworld?). The reson thing sounds a lot like "protons are made up of quarks" (which also have flavors). [[User:Kellyterryjones|Kellyterryjones]] 22:03, 10 September 2007 (CEST)

To get all technical here, and to run the risk of running out of my very basic knowledge, isn't the analogy that of the way we define radio broadcast bands? On analogue radio, for a long, long, time, BBC Radio Two described itself as broadcasting on 1500 metres Long Wave, and Radio One's jingles all highlighted 247 metres Medium Wave - ie, the radio station call signs were based on a ''measurement'', ie that of its broadcast wavelength measured either trough-to-trough or peak-to-peak.

Then all of a sudden it changed and today, BBC Radio Two broadcasts jingles proudly announcing to the world (or at least North-west Europe) ''Eighty-eight to Ninety-one FM'' - which is equally valid, but which is no longer a measurement of wavelength, but an expression of the cyclic frequency of the radio-waves.

By analogy, surely the Thaum and the [[prime]] are measuring different aspects of the same phenomena - ie, the raw magic saturating the Disc? --[[User:AgProv|AgProv]] 10:39, 1 August 2007 (CEST)

Just to add to the confusion: in {{COM}}, Rincewind notices a "stable magic aura of [...] several milliPrime", indicating a field strength. Field strength is usually measured per units of area or volume. Maybe 1 prime = 1 thaum per cubic meter or something like that? [[User:Kellyterryjones|Kellyterryjones]] 22:03, 10 September 2007 (CEST)

Prehaps, the thaum is both a measurement, ''and'' a carrier particle. Different things, same word, like 'foot' and 'foot'. I've been thinking about Discworld physics fora long time, trying to see if it would be possible, in a theoretical universe. I ''think'' it's possible, but I can't quite figure out how to make it so that wizards can use magic. Hmm... Might be a bit difficult...
-- [[User:Gipsterdude5|Gipsterdude5]] 31/07/2018

== Citation ==

Where and when are Thaums first mentioned? I know I remember them from somewhere, but a recent reread of Book 1 turned up nothing. --[[User:JDspeeder1|JDspeeder1]] ([[User talk:JDspeeder1|talk]]) 22:44, 5 June 2017 (UTC)
:The history, like everything else, is confusing. It's suggested here and elsewhere that the prime was defined as an improvement on the thaum, but the prime is mentioned in {{TCOM}}. I think the thaum shows up before {{SOD1}} but I can't find where. Both seem to be units of magical power or energy or something, but the definition of the prime as "energy required to move one pound of lead one foot" leads to all kinds of algebraic fun with the final result: "DOES NOT COMPUTE". Mass x Distance is not a quantity that happens in Roundworld physics. 
:The thaum, apparently, is also a particle: trying to split it led to a near-disaster and the creation of Roundworld. It may be ''both a wave and a particle''. The idea of one as a "field strength" of the other doesn't work since both are defined as capability of doing specific tasks. 
:It's amazing how little remains even of my high school physics. Someone with more recent qualification really should do a comprehensive review. --[[User:Old Dickens|Old Dickens]] ([[User talk:Old Dickens|talk]]) 17:50, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

Talk:Thaum

2018-07-31T17:45:34Z

Gipsterdude5: /* Is the thaum also basic particle of magic? */

:Thanks for removing the "pipes". I didn't know they were case insensitive.

== Is the thaum also basic particle of magic? ==

If the thaum is just a unit of measure, how can it be "made up" of anything (like resons). That's like saying a meter is made up of smaller particles. Maybe the thaum is both a unit of measure AND the fundamental particle of magic (like an atom or proton would be in Roundworld?). The reson thing sounds a lot like "protons are made up of quarks" (which also have flavors). [[User:Kellyterryjones|Kellyterryjones]] 22:03, 10 September 2007 (CEST)

To get all technical here, and to run the risk of running out of my very basic knowledge, isn't the analogy that of the way we define radio broadcast bands? On analogue radio, for a long, long, time, BBC Radio Two described itself as broadcasting on 1500 metres Long Wave, and Radio One's jingles all highlighted 247 metres Medium Wave - ie, the radio station call signs were based on a ''measurement'', ie that of its broadcast wavelength measured either trough-to-trough or peak-to-peak.

Then all of a sudden it changed and today, BBC Radio Two broadcasts jingles proudly announcing to the world (or at least North-west Europe) ''Eighty-eight to Ninety-one FM'' - which is equally valid, but which is no longer a measurement of wavelength, but an expression of the cyclic frequency of the radio-waves.

By analogy, surely the Thaum and the [[prime]] are measuring different aspects of the same phenomena - ie, the raw magic saturating the Disc? --[[User:AgProv|AgProv]] 10:39, 1 August 2007 (CEST)

Just to add to the confusion: in {{COM}}, Rincewind notices a "stable magic aura of [...] several milliPrime", indicating a field strength. Field strength is usually measured per units of area or volume. Maybe 1 prime = 1 thaum per cubic meter or something like that? [[User:Kellyterryjones|Kellyterryjones]] 22:03, 10 September 2007 (CEST)

Prehaps, the thaum is both a measurement, ''and'' a carrier particle. Different things, same word, like 'foot' and 'foot'. I've been thinking about Discworld physics fora long time, trying to see if it would be possible, in a theoretical universe. I ''think'' it's possible, but I can't quite figure out how to make it so that wizards can use magic. Hmm... Might be a bit difficult...
-- [[User:Gipsterdude5|Gipsterdude5]] 31:07:2018

== Citation ==

Where and when are Thaums first mentioned? I know I remember them from somewhere, but a recent reread of Book 1 turned up nothing. --[[User:JDspeeder1|JDspeeder1]] ([[User talk:JDspeeder1|talk]]) 22:44, 5 June 2017 (UTC)
:The history, like everything else, is confusing. It's suggested here and elsewhere that the prime was defined as an improvement on the thaum, but the prime is mentioned in {{TCOM}}. I think the thaum shows up before {{SOD1}} but I can't find where. Both seem to be units of magical power or energy or something, but the definition of the prime as "energy required to move one pound of lead one foot" leads to all kinds of algebraic fun with the final result: "DOES NOT COMPUTE". Mass x Distance is not a quantity that happens in Roundworld physics. 
:The thaum, apparently, is also a particle: trying to split it led to a near-disaster and the creation of Roundworld. It may be ''both a wave and a particle''. The idea of one as a "field strength" of the other doesn't work since both are defined as capability of doing specific tasks. 
:It's amazing how little remains even of my high school physics. Someone with more recent qualification really should do a comprehensive review. --[[User:Old Dickens|Old Dickens]] ([[User talk:Old Dickens|talk]]) 17:50, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

Uncommon sock eater

2018-07-04T00:42:34Z

Gipsterdude5:

The '''Uncommon Sock Eater''' is a rare indoorovore found in the cellars of the [[Unseen University]]. Said to resemble a very small elephant, with an extremely wide trunk. Mentioned in {{H}}.

[[Category:Discworld concepts]]

Uncommon sock eater

2018-07-04T00:42:02Z

Gipsterdude5:

The Impossible

2018-07-04T00:38:27Z

Gipsterdude5:

One interesting feature of the Disc Universe, [[Ponder Stibbons]] has noticed, is that a great many things ''aren't'' impossible until they are tried. Once they are, however, the Universe catches on, and it becomes impossible. Mr. Stibbons uses [[Hex]] to perform lots of very small, very quick spells in succession, and then measures the time it takes to become impossible.

As Archchancellor Ridcully notes; "It's like pullin' away the tablecloth before the dishes have a chance to realize that they oughta be fallin' over. Prolly has somethin' to do with quantum..."

The unfortunate effect of this is that many very interesting impossible things have been done, ''and thus been made completely futile'' by complete idiots, who went ahead and did it, instead of waiting for professionals, who could have made a much better job of it.

[[Category:Discworld concepts]]

The Impossible

2018-07-04T00:36:24Z

Gipsterdude5: Created page with "One interesting feature of the Disc Universe, Ponder Stibbons has noticed, is that a great many things ''aren't'' impossible until they are tried. Once they are, however,..."

One interesting feature of the Disc Universe, [[Ponder Stibbons]] has noticed, is that a great many things ''aren't'' impossible until they are tried. Once they are, however, the Universe catches on, and it becomes impossible. Mr. Stibbons uses [[Hex]] to perform lots of very small, very quick spells in succession, and then measures the time it takes to become impossible.
As [[Archchancellor Ridcully]] notes; "It's like pullin' away the tablecloth before the dishes have a chance to realize that they oughta be fallin' over. Prolly has somethin' to do with quantum..."
The unfortunate effect of this is that many very interesting impossible things have been done, ''and thus been made completely futile'' by complete idiots, who went ahead and did it, instead of waiting for professionals, who could have made a much better job of it.

[[Category: Discworld Concepts]]

Attention Surplus Disorder

2018-06-25T00:35:58Z

Gipsterdude5:

As everything has its opposite and they tend to manifest on the [[Discworld]], this is a strange and fairly rare disease first identified by the [[Guild of Barber-Surgeons]] which afflicts school pupils.

Attention Surplus Syndrome, to give it its official name, is particularly loathed by members of the [[Teachers' Guild]], as it makes their job a lot harder. Nobody likes a child who pays attention too hard, who listens very carefully, whose eyes follow your every move, and who listens very carefully to everything you say. It has been noted that this is like talking to a great big bottomless ear.

ASS sufferers also forget nothing they are taught, and tend to offer corrections in a very audible voice in front of the whole class. If called to the front for ritual humiliation on those occasions where a sacrificial example has to be made, these are the ones who call their teacher's bluff by demonstrating they have assimilated everything they have just heard (despite the apparent fact they have been staring out of the window for the last ten minutes). The diagnostic guide advises "There is no cure. Expel at the earliest possible opportunity". The diagnostic manual is called ''[[Household Medicine, Hair-Care and Simple Surgery]]'', and is published by Goatberger and Cropper, at $AM2.00 per copy. It is possible the Doctors' Guild has accepted that this is baby and not bath-water, and copies may be found in the Medical School at the [[Lady Sybil Free Hospital]].

It is possible that [[Pteppic]] was suffering from a mild version of ASS when he called Mr [[Mericet]]'s bluff on that memorable day (related in {{P}}) when he faultlessly listed all the things a diligent [[Assassins' Guild|Assassin]] has to guard against when preparing for an active assignment. This reduced Mericet to momentary silence. Then, being a long-time classroom monster who must have encountered this before, he employed a descriptive term teacher-Assassins use for ASS in their specific educational context.

Mericet's word for the syndrome is ''[[over-confidence]]''.

Sir Terry Pratchett revealed the origins of this concept in {{SK}} when describing his own schooldays. Apparently he was a sufferer himself.

[[Category:Discworld concepts|Attention Surplus Disorder]]
[[Category: Discworld Diseases]]

Uncertainty

2018-06-25T00:34:29Z

Gipsterdude5:

The Disc-ish disease ''Uncertainty'' is easy enough to understand, hinging, somewhat lopsided-ly, on Hiesenberg's Uncertainty Principle, which says that you can either know where a particle is at, or how fast it is moving, but not both at the same time.

Uncertainty can be caught when exposed to a high magical field, such as [[The Bursar]] did, while trying to shut off the Thaumic Generator of [[Unseen University]].
As a result, he could no longer know where he was, and know ''who'' he was at the same time. So, when he was found, and someone said, "Oh, here he is! Bursar, old fellow, what are you doin' on the privy roof without your clothes?" He would remember who he was, and forget where he existed, and disappear, reappearing somewhere else, not knowing who he was again.

[[Category: Discworld Diseases]]

Uncertainty

2018-06-25T00:33:28Z

Gipsterdude5: Created page with "The Disc-ish disease ''Uncertainty'' is easy enough to understand, hinging, somewhat lopsided-ly, on Hiesenberg's Uncertainty Principle, which says that you can either know wh..."

Category:Discworld Diseases

2018-06-25T00:09:36Z

Gipsterdude5: Created page with "'''Please note that some of these diseases can be quite dangerous, for example Uncertainty.''' ''You are advised to cover your mouth with a handkerchief, and to breath thi..."

'''Please note that some of these diseases can be quite dangerous, for example [[Uncertainty]].''' ''You are advised to cover your mouth with a handkerchief, and to breath thinly.''

Planets

2018-06-25T00:03:58Z

Gipsterdude5:

The diagnostic manual published by the [[Guild of Barber-Surgeons]] lists '''''Planets''''' as an occupational disease of those working in high-magic environments. Therefore wizards are particularly prone to this, although it is not exclusively a wizardly ailment. [[Thaumaturgists]] and other magical technicians, witches, and in certain circumstances [[Guild of Conjurors|conjurors]], may also suffer from Planets. The current [[Bursar]] of Unseen University has been witnessed to manifest the symptoms, and in many ways his is the classic case study. High magical environments can cause a breakdown in the inhibitory circuits that prevent most people over the age of five from believing that they are the centre of the known universe and that everything revolves around them.

The primary observed symptom is that the sufferer will manifest small planets which will duly orbit around their head. Advanced sufferers will notice some of these planets even have moons and in extreme cases will see comets flash in and out of existence. One unfortunate wizard called [[Roraty Williams]] suffered for many years and developed the most extreme case ever seen.

Cerebral manifestation gives a rather large clue to there being a high level of magic. During the events of {{TLC}}, when the Faculty of Unseen University approaches [[Fourecks]] where the background magical radiation is over a million thaums, the Bursar develops Planets. They are insubstantial and go through him and through each other, but they are nevertheless there.

[[Mugroop's Syndrome]] is a related concept. Mugroop was a wizard who reasoned that Planets only ever seem to manifest at magical temperatures registering over a million [[Thaum]]s. Therefore a sufferer might usefully be employed as the magical equivalent of a canary in a coal mine, an alert to other wizards that the thaumic levels are getting dangerously high.

The medical manual is called ''[[Household Medicine, Hair-Care and Simple Surgery]]'', and is published by Goatberger and Cropper, at $AM2.00 per copy. It lists this and many other interesting disorders.

[[Category: Discworld concepts]]

[[Category: Discworld Diseases]]

NoThingfjord

2018-06-02T21:40:09Z

Gipsterdude5:

Mentioned in {{TLC}}, this is [[Mad]]'s home city. From contextual evidence in {{TLH}}, this is a Duchy. The local patron [[The gods|God]] is called [[Noddi]]. A previous ruler who lacked a sense of humour was called Lord [[Picric]]. He took this out, somewhat terminally, on his [[Fools' Guild|Fool]], [[Gilbert the Stupid]], whose many graves around the area, some even in relatively accessible places, are now something of a tourist attraction.

Members of the [[Silver Horde]] once, apparently, fought as mercenaries for the Duke of Nothingfjord. The battle took four weeks to complete as the Duchess was working on the tapestry of the battle, and insisted on episodes being replayed until her needlework caught up with the action. This led to [[Mad Hamish]] declaring that letting the bloody media ''anywhere near'' a decent battlefield is a mistake, and they should be kept well away from the fight.

According to the booklet on exploration supplied with [[Discworld mapp]], Nothingfjord was home to a race of sea-rovers who were too polite for their own good, they made ''appointments'' to rape and pillage along the coast, then wondered why their victims were never in when they called. Members of this race became great explorers under the inspiration of the {{wp|Skald|Skald}} Lars Larsnephew, whose huge repertoire of very long sagas would inspire ''anyone'' to seek out new lands far away.

The nearest thing to a principal town is the coastal port of [[Herrinsmelt]].

Local fauna include the [[Coat-Hanger Elk]] and the [[Nothingfjord Blue]] (''magnificent scaling, squire!'')

:
[[Category: Discworld geography]]
[[de:Keindingfjord]]

Hex

2018-06-02T21:16:49Z

Gipsterdude5:

'''Hex''' is the [[Unseen University]]'s organic/inorganic/magical super-computer, located in the [[High Energy Magic Building]], whose initial components were a mouse-wheel and an ant-colony (the sum in this case is ''far greater than the parts'') tended by [[Ponder Stibbons]] and a group of like-minded, spotty, if-only-we-had-anoraks undergraduates. As Stibbons states it, operating Hex is largely intuitive, although you have to spend a lot of time learning it first. Hex can be cranky, recalcitrant, demand more cheese, occasionally be of use, and exhibit disturbing signs of sentience. Apart from the odd banana, not too much difference from here. Hex makes a major appearance in {{IT}}, {{H}} and {{SOD1}}, where it helped facilitate the [[Roundworld]] project, and has also been used at other times to do complicated calculations for how exactly a spell is to be performed, or to control the operations of complicated magical instruments.

Hex is started by initialising the GBL (pulling the Great Big Lever), and is basically a thinking-engine. Some people may think that Hex is alive, but [[Ponder Stibbons]] soothes his mind on that subject, telling himself that Hex "only thinks that he is alive". Hex started its existence as a very large calculator, using different movements of ants to solve simple math equations, but Hex eventually changed to something much more. Hex now seems to have a life of its own, changing, removing and even ''adding'' new parts to itself all the time. It now has an Anthill Inside sticker, a beehive in the next room (for memory storage), a screensaver (an aquarium on a spring), a beach-ball-like thing that goes "parp" every fourteen minutes. Hex has a large number of logic states, in addition to ''and'', ''or'', and their combinations and variants, Hex can use ''maybe'', ''perhaps'', ''suppose'', and ''why'', allowing it to think the unthinkable quite easily, such as expanding its capacity to understand the creation of Roundworld on the basis that ''one day'' it would be able to. Hex is even beginning to ask about electricity.

Hex is able to cast a huge amount of spells in a very small amount of time (similar to [[wikipedia:ENIAC|early computers]] that were used to do multiple calculations in a short space of time), thus reducing the need for humans to do so (a source of disgruntlement to the [[Faculty]]) and garnering results that it would take a team of research wizards weeks, months or even years to get. For instance, Hex casts the spells required to create Roundworld in less than a minute, when the [[Dean]] predicted it would take months.

Hex was unfortunately sent daft by a conversation with the [[Bursar]] during {{H}}. This was cured soon after by [[Mustrum Ridcully]] with the use of dried frog pills (Ridcully wrote, hurriedly, "L-O-T-S-O-F-D-R-Y-D-F-R-O-R-G-P-¼-L-L-S"). If Hex believes what it's told, and it's told that it's had lots of Dried Frog Pills, then Hex will believe that it's had lots of Dried Frog Pills. This appears to be a reference to an early computer virus that caused the computer to display a message "Computer wants a Cookie", and freeze until "COOKIE" or "HAVECOOKIE" was typed in. As described by guerrilla ontologist Robert Anton Wilson, this was frequently done to large mainframes in the USA in the 1960''s and 1970s: the response of the computer to the prompt "COOKIE" was usually "Yummy, that was good" followed by a return to normal programming.

Also during {{H}}, Hex revealed that it has the ability to believe in things such as the Hogfather, and even wrote a list to the Hogfather. Death (who was the stand-in for the Hogfather at the time) had no idea what most of the items were, but apparently succeeded in giving Hex its new FTB (which was abbreviated, to the embarrassment of Stibbons, from Fluffy Teddy Bear) and now Hex throws a tantrum whenever the FTB is taken away.

Hex has also been tied to the [[clacks]] network, creating the Disc's first modem. Hex was able to crack the clacks codes used by, say, the [[Assassins' Guild]] or [[Fools' Guild]], and adding them to a message it sends. In fact, Hex recently cracked the [[Grand Trunk]]'s code, allowing its messages to be read as part of their internal signalling. Every week, Hex then sends a message to company headquarters to readjust the number of messages sent. The wizards take advantage of this (at least, after they find out about it) to send a long message to [[Lancre]] in {{SOD2}}.

Hex is Ponder Stibbons' main field of work (technically making him the Disc's only I.T. expert), but Stibbons is constantly worried about it. Stibbons never knows what's going to happen next with Hex, and sometimes even catches himself calling Hex "he", which is, of course, ridiculous, as Hex is a machine.

An early prototype of Hex, albeit on the [[Roundworld]], appears in [[Short Story:The Megabyte Drive to Believe in Santa Claus]].

==Annotations==

Using ant colonies as an analogy to solve computational problems is a widespread method in evolutionary computing. A good example, based on observations of real ant colonies, is Gambardella, L.M., Dorigo, M.: Solving symmetric and asymmetric TSPs by ant colonies. Evolutionary Computing 1996. It is difficult to ascertain if Hex or these approaches were first, probably some feedback through [[L-Space]] is to blame for this.

A lot of the technical jargon that Ponder and the team use around Hex is based on computer-speak on [[Roundworld]].

*There is a motto attached to Hex saying Anthill Inside, a reference to [[wikipedia:Intel_Inside#Advertising|Intel Inside]].

*Hex apparently requires "a lot of small religious pictures". This is a reference to computer icons.

*Hex's words, all written on a bit of paper using a quill on a complicated arm system, usually have three + symbols before and after the actual words, an example being: +++Error. Redo From Start+++ (Although, none of the wizards can find out who Redo is or where Start is.) (This may be an allusion to the [[wikipedia:Hayes_command_set|Hayes command set codes]], originally for modems, which used +++ to switch between data mode and command mode. This resulted in commands and representations of them often being prefixed with the switch string, such as the commonly seen +++ATH0, meaning "switch to command mode and hang up the connection".) And at the same time, this serves as a primitive prínter.

*Sometimes when Hex is baffled by a question, it produces random error messages - as incomprehensible as Roundworld computers' "An error of type 5307 has occured.' or '[Something] failure', but with a more arcane bent. 'Eternal domain error' = 'Internal domain error'. Sometimes an error message displays the memory address of an error, whereas Hex posted "Error at Address: 14 Treacle Mine Road" - possibly the address of [[CMOT Dibbler]].
** The "Redo from start" error message is based on a real error message from early versions of the BASIC programming language. As this particular error message is confusing even to highly experienced hackers, it is often cited as the canonical example of a user-hostile error message.

*While Hex is pondering a question, it will shut down all other functions, and an hourglass on a spring will descend and slowly turn, indicating that its runtime is being applied to the issue. This is akin to the cursor transforming into a picture of an hourglass in some OSs.

*Hex occasionally demands cheese for his/its mouse. If the mouse is not fed, Hex stops working. This is a reference to the Roundworld 'mouse', which controls the cursor.

*Another interesting fact is that if Hex's FTB (Fluffy Teddy Bear, a gift from the Hogfather) is removed, Hex writes +++Mine! Waah!+++, once again implying sapience. The fact that Hex even believed in the Hogfather is proof of Hex's increasing "mind".

*Also, when asked "Why?", it was predicted that Hex would either blow up or say something like "+++Out Of Cheese Error ???????+++", but instead, Hex wrote "Because". When the question was followed by "Why anything?", Hex responded with "Because everything", then immediately 'crashed'.

*The +++Divide by cucumber error+++ This may be a oblique reference to Academy of Lagodo in ''Gulliver's Travels'' where one of their plans was to capture the sunlight in cucumbers.

*The conversation between Hex and the Bursar is a reference to Joseph Weizenbaum's computer program [[wikipedia:ELIZA|ELIZA]]..

*When Hex appears to 'catch' the Bursar's daftness, its behaviour may echo the [[wikipedia:Red_Dwarf|Red Dwarf]] concept of 'computer senility': an android which had contracted it preferred to be known as 'Rameses Niblick III Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops! Where's My Thribble?' - Hex says 'Whoops! Here comes Mr Jelly!'.

*Hex is powered by a waterwheel hidden in a sheep's skull - with other words a RAM.

"To put a hex on" is described in ''Roget's Thesaurus'' (1976 edition) as a local US phrase, meaning to "curse". Possibly of German origin, from ''hexen'' - witch.

Ref "Computer wants a cookie" above: Robert Anton Wilson reported several variants on this game, which he noted depended a lot on a pretty accurate assessment of the Bohemian tendencies of computing students who tended the mainframes and did routine programming during the night shift. A variation might be the sudden appearance of a seditious phrase or slogan, like

"The Government sucks!"

or

"Nixon's a crook!"

which totally locked the computer and were impervious to all forms of debugging. The only solution was to agree:

"It sure does!" or "He sure is!" after which the mainframe would go back to normal operations.

Other gambits were "Hey man, what's your sign?" which prompted a discourse on astrology, or "Scored any good dope lately?" - to which, again, the only permissible reply was "yes indeedy!"

[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[Category:Serial characters]]
[[Category:Supporting characters]]
[[Category:Devices]]
[[de:Hex]]

God of Evolution

2018-05-30T15:31:51Z

Gipsterdude5:

This [[Gods|god]] started out pretty much normally, for a god.

He began as the usual pinch of raw ego, then gathered followers. This snowballed until he was somewhere in the middle rankings. He wasn't in the Premiership among the [[Offler]]s and [[Blind Io]]s; nor was he in the Sunday local pub league alongside [[Om]] (as tortoise), or the long-forgotten [[Ur-Gilash]]. No, he was a solidly middle-ranking Division Two god, a Stockport County of Godhood, and for a God this is a comfortable enough place to be, with a fertile valley or two of followers and nobody seeking to usurp his place.

This allowed him time to think about things, which is not a typically god-like preoccupation. And some dangerously liberal thoughts started to emerge, like ''What's the point about this shouting and smiting business? Getting angry all the time isn't good for the blood pressure, that is if I actually had any blood. Waiting for some poor soul to be randomly smitten by lightning and then pointing the finger and saying "See what happens to sinners? Believe in me!"''

It was possibly inevitable that a God of Intellectual Inquiry had to arise on the Disc, as there is a God (or an [[Bilious|Oh God]]) for just about any other quality that can be named or imagined. Therefore this God arrived, all by himself, at the same sort of notions that were forced upon [[Om]] by [[Brutha]] some millennia later. But he discovered the time wasn't right for it. He refrained from smiting out of sympathy for his believers, only to find that one of the most contrary aspects of humanity was that they promptly went off and started to worship some other, more basic, god who didn't have the same sort of liberal existential angst.

Like Om, he realised that once human priests start to intercede for you and take it upon themselves to interpret your actions to the believers, they inevitably begin to follow an agenda of their own that inevitably involves bigger and better temples, bigger tithes than that derisory ten percent the God must have ordained on a bad day, or which is clearly a misinterpretation of Holy Scripture, and let's have your ''very best'' stock animals lined up here for sacrifice, please, anything less is an insult to the Divinity...

In desperation he tried liberal commandments emphasising justice, decency, brotherhood and fraternity, only for the tribe from the valley next door, worshippers of an old-time God who had allegedly told his folk to smite and lay waste the unbelievers next door, to swoop down like a wolf from the fold and over-run his valley.

And here, as with [[Ur-Gilash]], the story should have ended.

However, the God of Intellectual Inquiry discovered a strange and new thing. Having worked out that "everything, in the end, is just a set of instructions", he re-instructed himself, kept his God-like powers and sanity, and turned his back on humanity, the better to pursue scientific enquiry.

This is proof that even Gods can evolve - to the point where they don't really need any believers and can maintain ego-integrity and God-like abilities without them. ("Charcoal" [[Abraxas]] didn't get this far in his logical inquiries, or it would have made a great sequel to [[On Religion]]). Although it is true that in acquiring at least one believer - [[Ponder Stibbons]] - his strength grows appreciably.

Turning his back completely on the human race and moving to [[Mono Island]], he then threw his energies into re-designing living creatures and seeking to improve on them. This is hampered as he can only do things one at a time: until he has a frank chat with Mrs [[Whitlow]], he is ignorant in the fine details of how to get his creations to reproduce themselves. Many of his early creations proved non-viable, due to his misguided attempt to put wheels on everything; of the ones that made it, the hermit elephant can be considered typical of his "improvements".

By then, most of the wizards have taken advantage of [[Argo Nauticae Uniquo]] to leave the island. Ponder Stibbons stays - for just long enough to grasp the awful truth of how far this God has turned his back on the human race.

The future has six legs and is cockroach-shaped. Insects are the pinnacle of life. Larger animals are there mainly to provide dung, or hosts for parasites.

The God of Evolution makes a happy return in {{SOD3}}, in which the Auditors persuade him that Charles Darwin would benefit from his useful advice and expertise, resulting in the total disruption of Roundworld history and the publication of the Theology of Species.
He is seen in his mountain having moved onto some new creatures, such as wind-propelled, wheeled elephants, dirigible whales (with inflatable skeletons), and a sea-air ballistic shark (which was, perhaps fortunately, scrapped, for some reason).

[[Category:Supernatural entities]]
[[de:Gott der Evolution]]