Notfaroutoe

Current Count and Countess Notfaroutoe: Arthur and Doreen Winkings. The previous Count Notfaroutoe probably had been some old vampire in Überwald who had decided not to rise from his coffin; it is said that his castle was very ruined, anyway. His lawyer found the heir, the middle-aged Mr. Arthur Winkings, then wholesale fruit and vegetable merchant in Ankh-Morpork. The lawyer (who appeared to be working for the Burgomeister of the town of Notfaroute-on-Ah, who wanted to discuss the lttle matter of several hundred years worth of unpaid back tax) bit Arthur Winkings, and he seemed to be dead for a few days before rising. As he and his wife are both middle-aged, he has not converted his wife to vampirism, and his wife forbids him going to bite other young ladies. He has to make do with rare steaks. Arthur Winkings now has the ability to change his shape to a small bat while retaining the ability to speak in human. The drawback is that his bat form is small and fat just as his human form, and it's difficult for him to get up to air speed.

Despite the changing times, with the existence of organizations such as the Überwald League of Temperance, Count and Countess Notfaroutoe feel that they are expected to fit the stereotype of old vampires: evening dress and opera cloak all day, pale, black hair with widow peak, Überwaldean accent. And Doreen wears fake pointy teeth... She feels it's a must, and makes Arthur follow it. Arthur still speaks normal Ankh-Morporkian, but Doreen has an accent thicker than any real Uberwaldean whenever she remembers. They also tried to convert their small house in Ankh-Morpork into a vampire castle; neighbors complained about the moat, Arthur knocked out walls to install a torture chamberette, iron maidenette (small due to space considerations), huge organ (musical instrument), and built a vault and a crypt (they didn't realize that vault and crypt could be the same thing) (see Reaper Man). Their small house collapsed (see The Discworld Companion). Now they lodge at Mrs. Cake's (see Men at Arms). Arthur, who is more realistic about these things than Doreen, complained bitterly about being a lower-middle-class person with an upper-class complaint. This class-consciousness speaks volumes about the Winkings: their tragedy is having had a form of Undead-ness inflicted on them that they are not equipped to deal with, neither in terms of status nor financial resources. Lacking in social confidence, they lack the ease and grace of born vampires, and certainly have no means to buy a passable imitation... however, it might reasonably be inferred, from what is known of the town of Notfaroute-on-Ah, that the crumbling run-down castle nominally owned by Arthur, but which he found financially impossible to renovate, has taken on a new lease of life at the heart of a thriving business providing Outward Bound courses and training in things like mountaineering. (Arthur did say his castle was 90% crumbling cliff-face). It is entirely possible that like the upper classes as described by William de Worde, a sense of noblesse oblige exists among vampires, especially Black Ribboners, who will not allow one of their number to live in absolute poverty or a social status beneath their dignity. As landlords of the business, Arthur and Doreen may well benefit from the profits it generates. At the very least, those two nundred years of back-tax will have been taken care of.

Count and Countess Notfaroutoe had been members of the Fresh Start Club as organized by Mr. Reg Shoe, but Reg is now busy being a Watchman.

Doreen is now the treasurer of the Ankh-Morpork League of Temperance. In Thud!, we learn through Samuel Vimes that Doreen, like Sam Vimes, was born on Cockbill Street. The two are of an age and might very well have attended the same school together. While Sam doesn't begrudge her her desire to rise in social status (look what happened to him), he just wishes she wouldn't pretend she came from somewhere else, which has a language that has problems with the "w" and hard "th-" sounds. Certainly not in front of somebody who was also a snotty-nosed kid who played Poohsticks in the same gutters many years ago...

Very obvious annotation

The Roundworld reference here is the classic German silent horror movie of the 1920's: Nosferatu [1].

The orthopaedic coffin full of finely graded small pieces of rock: not so much Dracula Has Risen From The Grave as Notfaratoe Has Risen From The Gravel.