Ardrothy Longstaff

Ardrothy Longstaff was, he said, a Purveyor of Pies Full of Personal­ity. He had the misfortune to be there when the wizards had imbibed an unhealthy amount of power from the appearance of Coin, and came sweeping out of the gates of Unseen University.

Ardrothy had a touch of magic in his genetic makeup, and as he watched the wizards sweep across the square it told him that the very best thing he could do for his health would be to pack his knives and mincers in his little pack and have it away out of the city at any time in the next ten minutes.

After an unfortunate incident involving Miskin Koble, he tried to sneak away but was caught by the wizard. Unable to get away he scrabbled quickly in his pie tray.

"'I was just wondering if your honourship would care to purchase one of these finest pies," he said hurriedly. "Full of nourish-"

"Watch closely, pie-selling person," said the wizard, who then produced a pie out of the air.

It was fat, golden-brown and beautifully glazed. Just by looking at it Ardrothy knew it was packed edge to edge with prime lean pork, with none of those spacious areas of good fresh air under the lid that represented his own profit margin. It was the kind of pie piglets hope to be when they grew up.

His heart sank. His ruin was floating in front of him with short-crust pastry on it.

"Want a taste?' said the wizard. 'There's plenty more where that came from."

"Wherever it came from," said Ardrothy.

He looked past the shiny pastry to the face of the wizard, and in the manic gleam of those eyes he saw the world turning upside down.

He turned away, a broken man, and set out for the nearest city gate.

As if it wasn't bad enough that wizards were killing people, he thought bitterly, they were taking away their livelihood as well.

No more is ever heard of him. Perhaps his Pies Full of Personality became famous elsewhere on the Disc. Perhaps we shall never know. Presumably his leaving opened some form of niche for CMOT Dibbler to squeeze into...