Gladys
| GLADYS | |
 | |
| Name | Gladys |
| Race | Golem |
| Age | 1054 |
| Occupation | Post Office worker (cleans women's restrooms, assists the Postmaster) |
| Physical appearance | Made entirely of clay, vaguely man-shaped, wears a blue gingham dress. |
| Residence | Ankh-Morpork |
| Death | |
| Parents | |
| Relatives | |
| Children | |
| Marital Status | |
| Appearances | |
| Books | Going Postal |
| Cameos | |
Technically golems aren't male or female, being created without sexual organs. However, it is considered politically correct to refer to a golem as he rather than "it".
However, Gladys has taken on the appearance and role of a female. This began because Miss Maccalariat wouldn't allow the "male" golems into the Post Office's women's toilets to clean. Postmaster Lipwig resolved the matter by giving a golem the name of Gladys and a dress. And so Gladys' first mention is in Going Postal, though it is not until Making Money that we finally get to see her in a starring role.
Gladys is encouraged in this change by most of the young girls on Moist's Post Office staff, and nothing anyone can do will change Gladys' mind. Through their influence, Gladys has become alarmingly more female, to the point that it is hinted that she is falling in love with Moist.
Alas, Gladys, a creature made of baked clay, possesses all the feminine grace of a housebrick. She makes dainty sandwiches by putting a whole cooked ham between two loaves and pounding it flat with repeated blows of her fist. However, she is good at ironing Moist's trousers just by running the crease between her finger and thumb.
This frightful combination of femininity and pottery is likely due to the very nature of golems themselves as machines to carry out orders. Despite their gradual emancipation, golems still take everything that is said or written literally; after all, they live by words. As a result, Gladys will follow any advice given by womens' magazines and books to the very words printed on the pages, despite the fact that some of it may be unsuitable for someone who can pulverize masonry at a touch.
By the end of the Making Money, having read some material given by Moist's to-be-wedded-to Adora Belle Dearheart, she has turned away from Moist, actually becoming rather aloof to him. It does not take too much thought to determine the nature of this literature, if Miss Dearheart is involved. Its title is Why Men Get Under Your Feet by Releventia Flout, and it has helped Gladys identify a pat on the shoulder by Moist as nearly inappropriate touching. Perhaps also under the influence of Adora Belle, Gladys was now wearing a relatively smart grey dress. When Moist's secondment to the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork was terminated, Gladys returned with him to the Post Office, where she applied to be his secretary. Clearly intimidated, Moist says to Adora Belle, "She's ferocious! She probably wants my job now!"