You Bastard

You Bastard
Name	You Bastard
Race	camel
Age	unknown
Occupation	Cud-chewing mathematician
Physical appearance	inefficient
Residence	Royal stables of Djelibeybi
Death	not yet
Parents
Relatives	possibly Evil-Smelling-Bugger
Children
Marital Status
Appearances
Books	Pyramids
Cameos

You Bastard is the sole remaining camel in the Royal stables of Djelibeybi (lit. Child of the Djel). He also happens to be the greatest mathematician on the disc.

Pteppic and Ptraci use him to escape the city as it is collapsing dimensionally. Pteppic is told that, rather than go into advanced maneuvers like turning, he should just get off and do it himself.

As with most camels, he refuses to do anything until you beat him with a stick and swear at him. He does, however, break this rule once, toward the end of Pyramids. He seems to have a very tough hide or is incredibly stupid as he lets arrows fly at him without moving, as shown while in Ephebe although since he is the greatest mathematician on the disc it's likely that he's quite capable of working out simple parabolic motion and is therefore able to judge if the arrows are going to actually hit him.